Breaking My Heart In Two ♥

don't really feel like blogging these days.

heeheee HI ALL
i'm in china now! (and let me tell you, the cold's a bitch. my damn fingers are frozen as i type this)
it's like a giant fridge here, w/o the moist air and the nice smelling ice :x
gahhhhh COLD COLD COLD
imma going to need to warm up my fingers later.
pardon any typos :X

anyway, in the nicest hotel so far :D
it's not so much a hotel as a bunch of villas, like 4 floors?
1st floor is like the kitchen, dining table and living room (w a damn big tv i tell you i love this place AND WE'RE STAYING HERE TWO NIGHTS WHOOOOOO)
2nd, 3rd and 4th floor have two rooms each. whoohoo very nice.
and most hotel's heaters turn off at 1am (damn !#!@#~ right!) and then start like using the aircon instead? this one stays on! WHOOOO.
and each villa has their own housekeeper (:O) and ours is really pleasant and accomatdating :D
and there's internet!! :D
hahaha my brother just came down to kaypoh me LOL.
he totally wants to use this com to play his games. i know because when i came down just now to oust him from this com, he was playing adeventurequest -___-
he's also kinda grumpy cause my mother forbade him to play gunz -.-

gah, china is damn cold, but really nice :D
the scenery is damn damn damn pretty whooo but i look retarded in photos, as usual -.-
eh hahahaha my father's a big fat softie.
just now, we were like going up the bus, and then this old woman selling necklaces came to ask him to buy luhh.
and then he usually chases them away, but this time he was like, dk whas to do.
and then the old woman just wouldn't let him go and then in the end he bought 5 necklaces for 10 yuan.
which just goes to show perserverance pays off if you're an old owman selling necklaces and you meet my dad heehee.
so now i have a new necklaces, and it's pretty:D
oh and claraboo if you read this i got you something :D
simboo idk wha to get you lol cause you don't wear jewelery O.O

I'M GOING TO GET BACK MY PHONE ON SUNDAY WHEN I GET BACK.
AND I TOLD MY DAD HE MUST PEI ME, SO IF THE (oops caps i'm too lazy to erase my fingers have almost no feeling left) damn se people f--- up again he can scold them for me.
my dad is damn power ok :D

ok i shall go now i think if i stay here any longer i'll become a block of ice :X
BYEBYE :D

sobs. i have recently been totally banned from the com, so i have to inform everyone that i will be on hiatus for a unknown period of time.

plus i'm going to china from the 6th to the 14th of december. (:

so BYEBYE.

and titles do not count as posts!!

i have found out that some people can be sheer idiots.
apparently THREE WORDS count as a post, eh?
-stares at the person-
at least i have -counts words- 30 words. :D

I FOUND OUT HOW TO LINK PEOPLE WHOOOOO

yeah, the order of links have a purpose :D

[edit]

I CUT MY HAIR YAY

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i ripped this quiz from shadi because i felt like it hahahahaha.


1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?:

when i'm telling them how i feel. definitely.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry?

actually i can't remember LOL :D

3. You are on a flight from honolulu to chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. you have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call?:

why would one itty-bitty fire make me call someone? and cool! i'll go to chicago! anyway, HYPOTHETICALLY, i'd call my mother. tell her i love her and sorry for being a bad daughter.

4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?:

nah i wouldn't tell anyone except my closest friends and family. why advertise the fact you're dying? sympathy? -.- more like pity. and hell i'd be afraid. i'm terrified of needles, what say death? -.-

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Love or Trust, Why?:

without trust, love is not complete. thus, with trust, you can develop love. trust! :D

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?:

save the dog and get him to bite my boss if he fires me. MUAHAHAHA

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?:

why would i be unfaithful? if i married my spouse it means i love him what!

13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say?

-cough- idk.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?:

to tell a friend you love them. cause if you don't love them back, at least we can still be friends, but if like [hypothetically] i'm telling him that i love him, it's super awkward and idk how he will react, right?

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?:

idk lol.

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?:

my mother? -.-

18. Imagine. it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?:

live on second floor, room is on third floor (two storeys) so if there's someone walking outside my window i'd really be screwed. or dreaming. in which case i will pinch myself.

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?:

i wouldn't...cause i don't know cpr. i'd probably end up crushing his or her chest and killing him before whatever was killing him killed him first.

21. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your reason for making the decision?:

i love my grandma and she cooks fantastic potatoes so sorry baby-boo.

22. Are you old fashioned?

i should hope not -.-

23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?:

HAHA IDK LALALA

24. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?:

"it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before". nuff said.

25. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?:

that someone would make vaccinations into tablets and i wouldn't have to get the damn vaccinations with the damn needle that freaks me out so much i started crying cause NEEEDLES SUCK RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

lookit this vid :D



haha i love the sound effect at the end

the alphabet as we know it :

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

the alphabet as simlin knows it:

A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A

-grins-

today was kinda cool, my brother went to MBS to get his results, cause it's posting day :D
the MBS campus is super weird luhh, cause it's the old macpherson sec school campus.
bah, it's got horrible faded colours and paint.
anyway, waited in the hall while the principal announced the best results etc, etc.
played Darkest Fear 2: Grim Oak while waiting -  i managed to finish the whole damn game ok  -_________-
yeah, anyway they went to the classrooms to get their results.
not going to post my brother's results here, if you wna know then ask me nicely ;)

so yeah, we went to celebrate LOL.
went to eat macs (predictably), and my sis had to go off after that (JUST LIKE TWO YEARS AGO OMGXZX) cause she had to go to her friend's house to co-ordinate some harmony? not sure.
oh yeah!
and we passed by this shoe shop and i ended up buying some pumps!
YAY. finally some other shoes. like i have 3 pairs now? my sport shoes (which i wear to school), my heels (which i wear to special occasions) and my slippers (which i wear basically everywhere -.-)
my pumps are pretty.
and i painted my toenails french-style last night :D
they're so pretty! LOL.

yeah so we went home, got changed (cause i was wearing a skirt bah) and got socks then went bowling :D
yay i bowled my highest score so far  8D
happy, cause i'm a novice HAHAHAHA.
then we picked up my sister from her la-la-la-ing and went to have steamboat YAY! :D

so i'm home now.
and i'm bored.
omg and there's dance tmr!
i better go off.
BYEBYE!

p/s : MY BROTHER'S VOICE IS BREAKING WHOOOOOOO

idk what's wrong w me.

i have an intact family, no divorce, no deceased (yet).
i'm in a good school, w good teachers and good friends and a great CCA.
there's nothing wrong w me, like i'm quite healthy.
i'm not worrying about anything (major), like when's the next meal or if mum and dad will leave etc.

SO WHY AM I SO DAMNED UNHAPPY.
RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

idk. it's like, i'm not satisfied or something, and i keep feeling that there's something missing from my life.
and i don't know what that something is.
i just keep wishing for that something or maybe someone to appear and then i'll be happy at last.
because there's no freaking reason for me to be unhappy.
but i am, and i don't know why.

and then recently i just keep getting mad and upset over the most damn trivial things, and going on mad moodswings and binging on junk.
and i'm supposed to be watching what i eat and all.
and then, i guess i'm kinda mad at myself for my results, cause i wanted bio/chem/lit/hist, but i couldn't even get the damn GPA to do that combo.
it's like i can't even muster the damn freaking discipline, even when my goddamn future and education is at stake.
SO WHAT THE FREKAING HELL IS WRONG W ME!
sometimes i really just wna give up on me, but then i can't bear to disappoint so many people.
my parents were so damned disppointed w my results, because i told them that i studied hard, and the damn thing is I DID, but even my hardest is not hard enough.
because i lack the damn discipline to study.
and because i lack this goddamned discipline i can't excel in anything.
because i can't concentrate long enough.
and i want this discipline but guess what?
i can't concentrate long enough to cultivate it.
GOD DAMN.

and piano.
goddamnit.
i like playing the piano, i do.
but the thing is, i don't like playing pieces that i don't like.
it's like, wilfulness.
and then, i failed my previous piano exam, because i didn't practise and my mother was so disappointed.
but now, i can't concentrate enough to practise and then when i do practise, i can't get it right.
and then i get bloody frustrated because the reason i can't play is because i didn't practise, and then i get super upset and i can't play cause i end up either losng my temper/crying.

i'm sick of me disappointing everyone.
from p1 smart child, to p4 best class to p6, to high psle score and dunman high, to being such a damned failure.
it's like i've divebombed, and dug my own grave.
and i'm not sure how to get out, and i'm not sure if i even can get out, or i'm stuck down here in my pit of failure forever.
and i know i can do better.
i know i can pass the piano exams, maybe even w flying colours.
i know i could have gotten more than my pathetic GPA of 2.67, way more, and gotten into the combo that i really want.
i know i can do well in those subjects i got Bs and Cs in, esp maths and chinese.
i know i can, BUT I'M NOT.

i'm sick of being such a failure.
i really am.
and i wna get out.
but i don't know how.